Driving in Lagos For Newbies
You know how some people get on about the cliche "if you can't drive stick, you really can't drive" gist? Which is ridiculous, after you've given some thought to the fact that automatic cars - and even driverless cars - are swiftly crowding out the manual ones. But that is an argument for another day/post.
One cliche that is not ridiculous though is this one:
"if you have never driven a car in Lagos (be it stick or automatic), well, let's just say, you really haven't been driving."
Never heard that one before? Oh, that's probably because I made it up. Here's the one you may have heard:
"If you can drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere."
We don't make the rules, but it really is that simple. Driving in Lagos is a conquest, not that chore of an activity you've been having with your car wherever it is you have been driving before now. This is the big leagues and there's a rite of passage before you get in.
So, dear newbie Lagos driver, the following tips will be of help to you as you set out to conquer the enigma that driving on Lagos road.
1. Forget Everything You Ever Knew
Okay, so you already went to a driving school (we hope) and learnt all the basic rules about driving a car on the road. Well, out here, you're going to come up short with those rules. It's not like you learnt the wrong rules; it's more like they don't really count for much out here. [Traffic] rules are only useful if everyone is bound by them.
Someone tweeted an unwritten code for the road a while back:
"In Lagos, driving is like war, and in war you don't let your enemy know your next move. That's why most people drive without using indicators."
Bottomline: Well, don't forget forget the rules, really. Just know that the fellow in the next car may not be playing by the same set of rules. Be super alert.
2. The One-Way Trip
Driving in Lagos, apart from being mildly tedious for beginners, comes with the extra pesky feature of having one-way routes which are sacrosanct. Like, these babies aren't exactly like your typical city roads, where you can turn and reverse at will. You enter a one way road wrongly out here and it will most assuredly not be a good day for you. Good luck figuring that out.
3. Need for Speed
The roads will not always be free. In fact, it'll hardly ever be, depending on which route you're taking and when. There's an awful amount of cars on the road and traffic hold-ups are a thing of nature here. As spaces open up, you're required to rev up your engines and close them up - before somebody else cuts you off. You're going to need to drive fast and be able to maneuver real quick and dodge potholes and bus drivers.
4. The Law and Order
Like every extreme sport - which driving in Lagos is akin to, by the way - there are always umpires and regulators. Lagos roads has an abundance of law enforcement agents set up to monitor traffic. Ideally, your best days are the ones where you never have to interface with any of them. But there's so many of them that at some point, you'll meet them. In fact, you should probably watch out for them and either avoid them altogether or brace yourself.
These are the officials to be on the look out for:
KAI: Kick against indiscipline
VIO: Vehicle Inspection officials
LASTMA: Lagos State Traffic Management Agency
Road Safety officials
Police:
Note: It helps to have your complete documentation done and also possess a valid driver's licence before setting out to drive in Lagos. While even that may not be enough to shield you from the officials - they can literally stop you for breaking a non-existent law - it sure makes things easier for you.
