Driver's Lie Sense: How Underaged Kids in Broken Vehicles Make Lagos Roads a Nightmare

Life is a question, one that demands, urgently, an answer. And getting a driver's license in Lagos state, Nigeria, starts with a question which, depending on how it is phrased - and how the urgency is communicated - can have two entirely different answers.

I recently stumbled across this peculiarity: When I asked a colleague at the office "how can I get a driver's license in Lagos?", he asked me another question of his own:

"You want it immediately or you want it the legal way?"

It suddenly felt like I was on the cusp of a conversation about hard drugs and the means of procurement. So I leaned in closer and found myself whispering mysteriously.

"What do you mean....the legal way?"

And this colleague - who will remain anonymous, thank God - smiled lazily and said, "standard procedure. You apply for the driver's license and you wait until it is approved and your driving lesson history is verified. This can take up to three months- if you are a rookie driver."

"Interesting," I said, deciding that I was now in some kind of illicit ring, like that one time my brother and I saw Eyes Wide Shut and started sharing knowing winks across the table as our parents ate in oblivious silence.

"But you can skip all that part," he continued, no longer looking at me, absorbed in the glow of his computer screen as he modified some numbers on a bloated Excel spreadsheet. "Hell, you can get a driver's license right now and know jack shit about turning on a car stereo!"

"Get out of here!" I yelled, in mock disbelief. Of course everything is possible in Nigeria.

"For real, man," he responded solemnly. "You just need to link up with guys in the VIO office and they will hook you up in like, a week," and he snapped his fingers to communicate the lickety-splitness of the thing.