NaijaSingleGirl: Boyfriend Shopping at Tinapa

It was 31st of December 2012. I was spending my Christmas holiday in Calabar. I was a week old in the paradise city and I had not stepped out of my hotel except when I went to catch a glimpse of the Calabar Carnival. I resolved to make my crossover day (I hope I got that right) memorable.

I heard Calabar has lots of tourists spots but which one of them was I going to make my pick from as a JJC in the city?
I wanted a place where I could have fun, get delicious Calabar meals like edika ikong and top priority, meet my Mr Right!
That’s how strong my faith was.

I mean we had barely ten hours into 2013 and I was still believing no time is too short for the Lord to perform reverse miracles pertaining to my relationship status.

Early 2012, one ‘man of God’ said I was going to walk into 2013 with a man holding my palms. Well, 2012 was not over yet.

I went to the front desk of my hotel to make enquires. The receptionist suggested I visit Tinapa. She brought out some flyers and showed me really nice photos of the place. I wanted to ask her if super-cool guys visit the place but I didn’t want to ruin my big girl reputation I built since I got to the hotel so I kept my mouth shut. She must have read my mind cos the next thing she added was  “correct guys usually go there. If you are lucky you might even meet better ‘oyinbo’ boyfriend”

“‘Oyinbo’ what?”

OMG, I have always wanted to have my own ‘oyinbo’ babies.
I didn’t wait for her to finish the conversation.

She had me dashing like this to my hotel room to get ready for Tinapa.

I wore a long sleeved jacket with a black mini- skirt, put on moderate makeup, used my Ray Ban glasses to wedge my weave.
I tried to hug the awesome person I saw in my room but I ended up hitting the mirror.

I was good to go…to Tinapa…to get…a new year boyfriend… ‘an oyinbo’ for that matter.

The ride to Tinapa was about 20 minutes from my hotel.

I paid my cab, paid my 1000 naira gate fee and stepped into Tinapa’s Water Park.

I grab a chair, put my big eyes in forensic’ mode and began surveying the arena.

Some black men drinking, lots of ladies in bikinis, kids at the children swimming pool and a few ‘taken’ oyinbos with their families.

The girls I saw there made my so-called mini-skirt looked like this.

If these girls were going to perambulate with boobs and ass spilling out of their bikinis, I stood no chance of walking out of here with my own black man. Talk more of an ‘oyinbo’ one.

I looked at my wristwatch. It was 4pm.

Damnit!!! I had no time left.

“Waiter! Bring me my own bikini” I motioned to the guy that served me malt.

“Its 1000 to hire ma”

Did he just call me Ma?

It means I’m now an old woman and no bloody ring on my finger!

”I will even pay 5000 naira for it! Just get me the skimpiest of bikinis!” I screamed.

Ten minutes later I was wearing a bikini.

I stepped into the pool and started playing with the water. That was when I caught an ‘Oyinbo’ ‘red-handed’ at one end of the pool.

His back was turned towards me. All that was between us was the clear blue waters that stood at 7ft and a distance of thirty metres.

The last time I swam was three years ago and I’m not too good at swimming.

Literally, I was stuck with this scenario, ‘Get the ‘Oyinbo’ or Drown Trying’

Well, to hell with death, I chose the later.

Whosh! Whosh!! Whosh!!!

I was swimming with all my might and soul….trying to get a man….trying to stay alive…

Finally I made it to him alive!

Gasping for breath, I tapped my prince charming head.

That was when he turned towards me in all his full China glory.

Chinese man of all oyibos?

So I swam for more than 30 metres for China product?

How long was a relationship with a Chinese man going to last?

I don’t even like China phones.

My China-made dvd didn’t even last up to three months.

I was not ready to take my risk with China relationships.

“I’m sorry” I apologized.

”Chun kais” he responded in anger.

I guess that’s a slang for ‘whatever’ in Chinese”

I got out of the water and headed to the dressing room. I needed to get back to my hotel to make preparations for my entrance into the new year single.

As I walked past the bushbar on my way to the car park. I heard a voice I might never forget with its thick Calabar accent ” Fine girl exsus me”
It came from the albino at the bushbar.

 So much in one day in pursuit of an ‘oyinbo’…