Things Nigerians Say, And What They Mean

Nothing can prepare you for visiting Nigeria. True, you might read a few blog posts that advise you to do this, to wear that and to frown when smiled at (it's probably safer to also frown when frowned at), but nothing quite readies you for the raw, bursting, and passionate outburst that is Nigeria.

This is why I have written this. Nigeria with its 170-million-odd people can be more than a handful. They are not called the giants of Africa for nothing - they are not only big in population, but in practically everything.

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Grand masters of hyperbole.

So next time you hear a Nigerian say "Guy I dey h sotey hunger wan kill me", you do not have to fear. Or panic. Because, in simple English, the Nigerian gentleman has just told you "Guy, I am so hungry, I could die."

To reiterate: Nigerians are the grand masters of hyperbole

When I first arrived Lagos with my friend, we spent the evening with my uncle in Charity, close to Oshodi, and before the last strands of filtered sunlight gave way to well-formed dusk, a group of children formed at our gate, rhythmically banging at the gate, chanting 'oyinbo pepper, if you eat pepper, you go yellow more-more.'

This was, of course, addressed at my Caucasian friend who blinked, nonplussed, slightly disturbed by what, I'm sure, he considered to be a potentially violent mob.

Poor guy. I mean, these kids were like, I dunno, seven years old? Yet they had him sweating like he was responsible for 9/11.

To translate, the kids were merely saying: "white man who eats peppers, if you eat more peppers, you will continue to get...whiter." (I know, I know - I don't get the point myself, if that's any consolation.)

The Nigerian pidgin is an adaptation of Creole, and it is probably the most unifying lingustic tool we have here: uniting the 300-odd ethnic groups better than any of the three official languages, and breaking the class divide that unwittingly comes along with impeccable English.

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