Naijasinglegirl : A day at Owerri Concorde Hotel

It was one of those Saturdays I needed some place to hangout in peace since no one had offered to marry me.

My cousin, who I was holidaying with in Owerri suggested I go swimming at Concorde Hotels & Casino, Owerri.

I heard Concorde Hotel is a true embodiment of a Nigerian 5-Star Hotel. She also told me their grand swimming pool had over the years become a training ground for participants of Gulder Ultimate Search and most importantly, one of the best places to hookup in Owerri.

Luckily for me, it was just a fifteen minutes walk from PortHarcourt Road where I resided.

Minutes later, I arrived at the hotel.

True to my cousin words, Concorde Hotel is classy!

I surveyed the pool arena. One fearfully looking life guard was sleeping under a shade while saliva dripped from his mouth.
He looked very annoying in his swim pants that bore a semblance to a g-string.

There were just 5 guys swimming lazily in the pool. I went to the ladies and changed into my swimsuit.

This time around, I didn’t step in sexily. I decided to show dem boys one of my olympic stunts.

Unfortunately for me, I flunked woefully as I landed hard on my belly in an attempt to dive into the 13metres pool. Before I knew it, I found myself swallowing pool water.

One of the boys busted into laughter.
“Fine girl, this one you just dey swallow our water, wetin go remain wey we go take swim? Abi make I teach you how to swim?”
“Meaning what?” I blurted out with water spilling from my mouth.

Being an average swimmer, I was not amused by his comment.

I made a decision to spend just fifteen more minutes at Concorde in order not to be a victim of ‘bad market’ among those boys.

Few minutes later, one drop dead handsome hunk in a black body hug & skinny jeans confidently walked into the pool arena and had me reconsidering my decision.

His body frame depicted someone that was born, lived and….might die in the gym.

I overheard one of the boys telling his companions the macho guy is one of the organisers of Gulder Ultimate Search.

Naijasinglegirl was just salivating in lust.

Moments later he had emerged from the men’s in his briefs.

All I thought of was strategies on how I was going to end up as his Mrs Right or in worst case scenario, manoeuvre him into making me the winner of Gulder Ultimate Search 2014.
You know I’ve always wanted to be an ultimate woman?
I began performing mermaid stunts in a bid to impress him.

I swam flapping just one feet, swam using one arm to paddle the water, I swam dolphin style, swam shark style, I occasionally sprinkled him water romantically yet he stubbornly refused to acknowledge me!

All I needed him to say was
“Girl, Gulder and I have been searching for you all our lives.”

I eventually gave up in anger and just resorted to floating in the pool with my eyes closed, completely unaware of what was going on around me.
For some reasons I can’t explain, I got distracted in my trance. All I remembered was struggling hard to stay afloat in the deep blue waters.

I was drowning!

In my subconscious state, I recognised the voice I heard earlier.
“Wetin be that. This girl funny die”
“Leave that girl jor…she just they find attention.”
Then another voice
“She sabi swim now. She no fit drown”

My life flashed before my eyes. All I saw was black! These people were just going to watch me die?

“HELPPPPPPPPP ME!!!” I screamed with all the strength left in me.

Suddenly, powerful arms had encompassed me.
He pulled me out of the water while I snuggled my arms and legs around him.
Who say God doesn’t answer prayers in mysterious ways?
My eyes were still closed while I thanked him in whispers for saving my life. I told him destiny can be delayed but can never be denied. I told him I knew we were made for each other the moment I saw him walked into the pool arena.

Immediately I was done with my Martin Luther speech, I opened my eyes to see why he was yet to give me my ‘mouth to mouth’ resuscitation only to see the fearfully looking face of the lifeguard!

“WT Flying FFFFFFFFF!!!” I screamed, releasing myself from his grip. The life guard had the most bemused look on his face.
I ran into the ladies, changed immediately and ‘skelewued’ out of the pool arena in embarrassment.

Mr Macho was at one end of the pool gulping a gulder.
Whoever is friends with him should tell him fourteen years imprisonment awaits him!