February 14: Single Ladies Blues?

Today, some will run around with fifty shades of bright red from one romantic hotel  or restaurant in Nigeria to another while others will plod around their homes in pure black. You are either recognised as the object of someone else’s affection or if not careful, the subject of your own disappointment.

No matter which side of the fence you are on, you will be faced with the same inevitable question, “How and where am I going to spend Valentine’s Day?” For those single by circumstances, Valentine’s Day can be a nightmare with reminders of love and romance hard to avoid.

But why so serious? What’s the worst that could happen to a single lady today?

You get out of bed by 7:am but today feels different. You reach out for your cellphone and there are three new messages.

Great!!!

At least someone remembers you.

The smile on those lips fades when you realise all three sms are from MTN. One of these messages is actually a heart warming valentine wish but it doesn’t count since its coming from a robot.

Then doorbell rings. Your flatmate went out the previous night with her boyfriend and she promised to be back on the 15th. She’s definitely not the one at the door. Or has God heard your pitiful prayer? Has your Prince Charming finally arrived?

Dreams do come true!

Maybe its that tall, dark and handsome Steve next door you’ve been crushing on?

You peep through the keyhole. All you see is a bouquet of roses. Wow, this year’s valentine’s day seems promising. You smoothe your hair and open the door.

Oh wait, he’s just a delivery man and the flowers are for Stephanie, your flatmate. “Be my Valentine. From Steve”
It was from your crush next door!

What? Bloody traitor!

You scribble your name on his clipboard and slam the door shut. The feeling of guilt hits you. You didn’t mean to transfer your aggression to the courier guy. Once upon a time you were crazy about men in uniforms. Maybe you should have checked to see if the courier guy had a ring on his finger.

At work, the roses and cupcakes on your awful co-workers desk are enough to make you want to eat an absurd amount of chocolates. You log onto your social media but your friends on twitter, instagram, facebook and BBM are not helping matters.

They’ve suddenly become crazy cheesy romantics with all their ‘love is in the air’ updates.

The book vendor you meet on your way to work was right after all. You can’t believe you might have a heart attack before the end of the day because you are single. Maybe you should have gotten a copy of the “Singles Guide To Surviving Valentine’s Day” he was flashing at you.

The time is 2:pm. This is the 45th time you are having to look at your clock today. Every minute drags slowly like an hour. Its bad enough you feel old today. Nature is also against you.

4pm finally and you can’t wait to leave work and run into the arms of…. your pillow.

You would have gone to Silverbird Galleria, Lagos but your major problem is where you are going to hide the bodies of those annoying happy couples at the cinema. You drive by Eko Hotels & Suites and the sight of lovers walking hand in hand to get tickets for Darey’s Love Like A Movie Concert hurts you more.

Home at last!

You tune your TV to Africa Magic. Nollywood’s ‘Flower Girl’ is on screen. The movie is touching and most importantly, it burns time.

Movie is over and you decide to go for a walk around your street.

Suddenly, Flashing lights! Loud Brakes! Screeching tyres!!!

Oh my goodness!

What happened to the lucky protagonist in flower girl was about to befall you. Your prince charming rushing out of his vehicle to apologise for almost hitting you. Reality sunk in when a midget jumped out of an ugly 504 and abused the hell out of you.

Does any  one of these sound familiar? If so, you may be suffering from “lack-of- love” sickness. It doesn’t sound like an isolated occurrence either. You may have been suffering for many years and the symptoms are just more prevalent on Valentine’s Day.

Good news is, you are not alone.

The reason you feel that way is either you are talking to someone stuck on an ex, chasing someone that’s taken or ignoring someone that wants you.

Here are some helpful tips proven to keep you from Valentine’s Day blues.

1. This is not a day to burn pictures of your ex! Hell will do justice to that. Channel that fire into something positive.

2. Valentine’s Day is for singles too. St Valentine was a single man. The Bible says, “Love others as you love yourself” Self love matters!

3. Show love to others without a partner. Volunteer to babysit for a married couple ‘single baby’, while they enjoy a romantic evening at a Chinese Restaurant in Lagos.

4. Delete songs on your playlist that might worsen your mood e.g Celiine Dion’s ‘all by myself’, Akon’s ‘Mr Lonely’ and half of Drake’s collection.

1. Look Good, Feel Good. Just because you dont have a Valentine doesn’t give you the excuse to skip the shower and smell all day

2. Its okay to buy yourself a Valentine gift but don’t buy a life sized teddy bear. That mermaid god is a constant reminder of loneliness and it can’t offer you breakfast in bed.
   

3. Cheer up! its not the end of the world. One day for couples, 364 days for you.

Finally, happy Valentine to all couples out there, may your love last forever… And to all the single people out there, may your batteries last forever.

Cheers.