48 - Hotel Utopia

My mother always says to me in her deep Yoruba accent, "Fola, that thing that you're looking for, you will find it." Well, this time, it would seem her words have come to pass. It's too bad I wasn't looking for a good thing.
It all started with me wanting, (no..that's not right), strongly needing (yes), them all to shut up. By them, I mean my 3 travelling companions that I wouldn't have agreed to travel with for anything in the world . Well, almost anything, when school curriculum makes a group excursion worth a few important marks, it's easier to do the unsavoury. Okay, you're a little lost? Don't be. It's easy. I'm a freshman at one of the top universities in the country and as part of the university's orientation week programme, there's a compulsory excursion where a group of randomly selected students go on a field trip to a designated location to 'foster bonding'. I thought it was a good social experience to look foward to until I met the 3 other people I was to travel with- Akin, Biyi and Kunle a.k.a the Terrible Three- well known for their extravagant and oppressive lifestyles. Turns out the selection process isn't as random as we all thought, the Terrible Three come from some of the most powerful families in the whole country, families capable of exerting a considerable degree of control on school policies. It wasn't a surprise then that the Terrible Three could work their way into being in the same group and either by fate or some other random annoying concept, I had the unenviable 'honor' of being the 4th member of the group.
So, where were we before this digression? Yes, me wanting (no..that's not right), strongly needing (yes), them to shut up. I'm not always this irritable but for some reason or the other, we had set off on our journey late and then the eye sore that is our Nigerian roads through a combination of potholes and traffic girdlocks that slowed travel ensured that even as late as 10pm, we were still on the road. The Terrible Three didn't seem to care though and somehow they found delight in making lewd jokes and singing as loud as they could (not that what they were doing could be called singing, more like saying words in no particular tune). I was having a serious headache and so wanting (no..that's not right), strongly needing (yes), them to shut up really wasn't too much to ask.
"Hey idiot!" Akin bellowed at me. "Want to join our game?" He was referring to the 'what would you give an arm to get?' game the group was now playing. I merely rolled my eyes inwards and said, "I'd give an arm for you to shut up" The other duo of the Terrible Three laughed at Akin and asked him to let me be after seeing in his eyes the intention to aim a punch at me, "Gentlemen, it s getting late and there's a hotel just five minutes from here. It would be safer for us to lodge there for the night," our chauffeur advised. Apparently, my travelling companions were as tired as I was so they agreed without much protests and five minutes later we found ourselves at the reception of a rather beautiful roadside hotel simply named 'Hotel Utopia'. It was a one storey building hotel containing about fifteen rooms I estimated. We were attended to by a well dressed, heavily built man who spoke with an odd accent I couldn't quite place, "Welcome to Hotel Utopia! My name is Master Glover and I am at your service. Here at Hotel Utopia, we make your wishes come true" He smiled and then seemed to rest his eyes upon me after he finished the line about making wishes come true, I couldn't be sure though as his gaze was gone as quickly as it had rested on me. It seemed odd to me that he'd mention making wishes come true. What wishes could one possibly have in a roadside hotel?
Our chauffeur requested for five rooms. I wondered with whose money exactly he intended to pay for the rooms so I brought out a handful of cash intending to pay for my room but he simply waved me away. Moments later, Master Glover directed us to our respective rooms and wished us a 'wish fulfilling night's rest'. Another statement that struck me as odd but one I paid no attention to. I was just too tired to be concerned about a hotel manager's flair for using dramatic words.
Just after showering and eating some snacks, I fell asleep before a loud noise woke me up. It was the unmistakable sound of a human-being howling in pain. I wasn't exactly sure who it was screaming like that but I could have sworn it was Akin. I sharply rose out of my bed and made for the door. It was locked. I didn't remember locking it before sleeping so i had no idea exactly how had it gotten locked. I vaguely remembered opening the door with the key Master Glover had given me, so i scanned the whole room for the key to no luck whatsoever. I turned the handle over and over again, the door didn't budge. By now, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. The screaming had not ceased; if anything, it had gotten louder and more desperate. I realised that I had to find a way to get out of the room, even if it wasn't to find out the source of the screaming. Whatever was making one of us scream that way had probably caught him off guard in his room. I wasn't safe here. In desperation, I began to bang the door, screaming for help. Just after I started banging the door, the screaming stopped, for only about a minute or two and then it continued. Only this time, it sounded closer as if whatever was causing the pain was dragging his victim towards me. I guessed this meant it was coming for me too. Survival instincts took over and I scanned the room for any possible exits- there was only a window, guarded by a burglary proof. The other door in the room led into a bathroom and toilet which also was a dead end. Sensing my impending doom, I fell to the ground in helplessness, tears welling up in my eyes. This was the exact moment the door to my room flew open and Master Glover walked in, axe in one hand and an unconscious Akin slung over his other shoulder. Master Glover was covered in blood, my fear reached new heights. My initial thought was to try and push him and make a dash past him but I feared that a swing of that axe would most likely take my head off. Besides, he was a lot bigger than I was. He dropped Akin to the ground and turned Akin's head to face me such that I could see the horror he had performed. Akin's mouth was bleeding from the sides, two thin lines of constantly flowing blood pouring from each corner of his mouth. His two lips had been sewn together. Master
Glover smiled at me and said, "Welcome to Hotel Utopia where we make your wishes come true. Your wish, I believe was for this young man to shut up and it's done." He said it without skipping a single word as if he had just done the most natural thing in the world. Inspite of myself, I managed to form a few words, "I...never...made..any...such...wish," I stammered. Master Glover cocked his head sideways and took a step towards me. "Oh, yes, you did make a wish. You see, Hotel Utopia senses the extreme and upon entering the hotel, your mind was tuned to only one thing-silencing your companions. I am a slave of the hotel's wishes and the hotel's primary wish is for the needs of its guests to be met." I recoiled in horror as I remembered my words in the car and recalled still feeling the same way when Akin had turned on me to insult me just as we entered the hotel.
Master Glover seemed to tighten his grip on the axe and moved even closer to me, "Now, I have taken care of this young man. There are two others I still would take care of for you. Not to even mention the bonus offer of the chauffeur who tried to stop me initially" "Stop! I didn't ask you to" I screamed at him. "It's every hotel attendant's job to meet needs before they ever have to be asked" he replied sadistically and then continued speaking, his next words sending a chill down my spine, "Of course, hotel services aren't for free and before I move on to the other two who are trapped in their rooms, I'd be taking my payment now which you specified in clear terms- an arm" He raised his axe and moved menacingly towards me. I backed off but ran out of space to back off to as my back hit the wall. "Stop, you can't do this! Please!" I pleaded. What's that English expression that tallies with my mother's warning- 'be careful what you wish for'? Well, I had wanted (no...that's not right), strongly needed (yes), the wrong thing this time.
"I assure you this won't hurt" Master Glover said and swung the axe at me. I let out a screamed and passed out.....then I woke up, everything was back to normal. No unconcious Akin, no axe wielding Master Glover. It was morning, the sun's rays were creeping through the window. My heart was still pounding though, then I tried to sit up in bed. Something seemed odd about the way I pulled myself up as if I had used only one hand to help myself up. I looked where my right arm was supposed to be....it wasn't there. At that exact moment, the door to my room flew open and in walked Master Glover with the same clothes he had on the previous day, only this time, the clothes were covered in blood. "Good morning Master Fola!" He announced. I let out a guttural, animalistic, ear-splitting scream and didn't stop till I passed out, again.

• Written by Apampa Tobiloba